RANDOM SLOP

Someone once said, "It's a man's world!"  "Real men don't get all twisted in the head and absorbed with their feelings like you women!" So said an, obviously male, genius on Facebook one day. "Allow me to retort," said I. "Of course, we men don't get all twisted in the head and absorbed with our feelings like women! And for this," I added, sarcastically, "We're thanking our very lucky stars! We have life so much better..." Because we drink, we slink, we shrink, we stink, chug, mug, drug, shrug, play the thug, act so smug, gamble, gambol, amble, ramble, shamble, scamble, fumble, mumble, bumble, rumble, stumble, scramble... We wage, drage, engage, enrage, assuage, set the stage to rant and rage, founder, flounder, say we found her, astound her, try to be profounder, chunder, sunder, blunder, bottle thunder, steal some plunder, rip lives asunder, pander, gander, mander, slander, can't stand her, in ...

WORKDAY Scene One: The Parking Lot of the County Adult Probation Office: Fade in... Friday morning, just before eight am, I steer my 1993 Dodge Minvan into the parking lot of the Pinal County Adult Probation Department, adjacent to the building where I work, stopping in my assigned space. It's right next to the door, and has a sign that says "Handicapped Parking Only." I don't get out of the van, affectionately named “VannaDoom,” right away. As is my usual habit, I have one more cigarette, and finish my coffee before going in to work. This is usually the time that I reflect upon my life. Which isn't turning out the way I expected. Or hoped. Or planned. For example, I never thought that I'd have an assigned parking disabled parking space. Or any reason to need one. Or get one. Except for the Chief Probation Officer, Dave S, nobody in the department had an assigned parking space. Certainly not a Deputy Adult Probation Officer, like me. A Le...

Chelsea Clinton's Ancestry is the Subject of Pure Speculation You know, there's plenty of rumors going around about about who Chelsea Clinton's real father is. Today, I examine the rumors. And offer up one of my own. The first rumor is that Bill Clinton could not have kids, so Hillary accepted the services of another sperm donor, not by artificial insemination, but the old fashioned way: in the back seat of a '57 Chevy. What's curious about this rumor, as a sidebar, is that President Bill, the Predator in Chief, has been accused of illegitimately siring a young Black man whom he ignores to this day. Of course, given the upheavals in the scientific community these days, no one can explain how this can be true. Personally, I think that Bill's hammer works just fine... except in the vicinity of Hillary. The second rumor is that one of Hillary's partners in the Little Rock, Arkansas Rose Law Firm, Webb Hubbell, who bears a passing resemblance to a...

A New Dawn (The Morning After the Night Before)  buzz buzz buzz "What the Hell is that noise," I think to myself. "Is there a fly trapped here in my bedroom?" That's all I need! Here I am, trying to recover from a night of drunken debauchery, and a fly is trying to keep me from sleeping. I hate him. I hate him, his mother, his father, and all of his little fly brothers and sisters. buzz buzz buzz "Persistent little bastard, aren't you!," I call out to my flying bedside companion. "Why don't you settle down somewhere, relax, and catch a little shut-eye yourself? I'm trying to sleep here!" My entreaty is to no avail. I still hear him, or possibly her, flying around the room. buzz buzz buzz I try to ignore the noise, but it is no use. I can't seem to shut out the noise. I cover my head with my pillow, but it doesn't work. If anything, the noise seems to get louder. Buzz Buzz Buzz Try as I might, I can...